Writing things out is one of the ways I deal with any bitterness, emotions, and anger towards my diabetes. I've always had a journal I write in about it all...and every now and then I'd blog about it, it sure does help me. And I always have hope it helps another diabetic out there or helps me connect with others.
Last week Saturday, of what seemed like a normal morning, where the sun was shining and the wind was blowing, a beautiful breeze it was. I was contemplating if I should go out running or go to the YMCA.
It was the first time in a few days in which I had no lows all night, the previous days I would have up to three lows a day and it sure was EXHAUSTING! Anyways, I woke up at a beautiful blood sugar of around 6. Perfect for a workout! I usually avoid breakfast till after my workout so I don't have any insulin on board...nothing new!
I went to a step cardio workout at the gym, the room was HUMID! Like really humid! I felt my blood sugar crash (and that rarely happens). I felt dizzy and nauseous, I scanned my libre and it was 3.8! No biggie had some skittles and decided to push through the workout but that didn't go as planned. I felt my blood sugar drop more and more, I was out of skittles so I had 2 dates...tested again and it was 3.7.
I decided to leave the room, firstly it was cooler outside, much cooler and secondly, I hate having to sit aside and wait for my blood sugar to rise so I might as well leave. I went and sat on the floor near the couch. For some reason when I'm low I like sitting on the floor, not too sure why? Anyone else?
I sat with my head into my knees trying to keep my composure because I was getting mad at myself for going low. Trying to understand why I all of a sudden felt my low. I tested again and I was at 3.7, why isn't it rising? Am I crashing fast and just don't know it?
My friend finished the workout and came around to make sure I was alright and keep me company, It was maybe 15mins later and my blood sugar was still at 3.7, but for some reason, I felt like I was 1.3.
I felt light-headed, very low in energy, I was sweaty but also shivering. I could barely form words to say and when I did I had very little energy to say it. I was getting drowsy and wanting to fall asleep but I knew I shouldn't so I kept my mind focused on the rhythm of the sound of a basketball bouncing in the court below me, eventually, that sound was too loud for me. In fact, the sound of a normal voice felt like yelling! Tested again and I was STILL 3.7! No freaking way, blood test and I was 3.8. My libre died out, perfect timings, right?
My friend grabbed another juice box from the first aid kit in hopes it will help! I was so mad at myself, I was furious, I wanted to help myself, I was feeling crap, my body felt so weak but I kept telling myself just hold yourself till you get home, just get to the car, just get to the car. But I had no energy to get up...and when I did I felt dizzy and sat back down. I broke into tears (and trust me I'll only cry in front of people if I trust them or I'm at a breaking point). Just imagine a 19-year-old crying in public? That never looks good. So for me to break down into tears just said how bad I felt...maybe its because it was my first time in a long time to feel low so I've forgotten how bad it felt? But I felt so weak and vulnerable. I just wanted diabetes to be gone and for me to feel better quickly. Maybe a hug too? Hugs are MAGICAL!
They eventually called my mum and she came by to pick me up. And while my bg finally came up an hour later, my body took half of the remaining of the day to recover and feel better. But through my awful feeling of me being low, despite not a very low blood sugar ... I saw the love of a community and the love of people. From my friend to those working at the gym, to my mum. Each are special to me. While I hated feeling weak and not being able to brush it off and keep going like I often try to do, I did appreciate every part of their help offered.
Last week Saturday, of what seemed like a normal morning, where the sun was shining and the wind was blowing, a beautiful breeze it was. I was contemplating if I should go out running or go to the YMCA.
It was the first time in a few days in which I had no lows all night, the previous days I would have up to three lows a day and it sure was EXHAUSTING! Anyways, I woke up at a beautiful blood sugar of around 6. Perfect for a workout! I usually avoid breakfast till after my workout so I don't have any insulin on board...nothing new!
I went to a step cardio workout at the gym, the room was HUMID! Like really humid! I felt my blood sugar crash (and that rarely happens). I felt dizzy and nauseous, I scanned my libre and it was 3.8! No biggie had some skittles and decided to push through the workout but that didn't go as planned. I felt my blood sugar drop more and more, I was out of skittles so I had 2 dates...tested again and it was 3.7.
I decided to leave the room, firstly it was cooler outside, much cooler and secondly, I hate having to sit aside and wait for my blood sugar to rise so I might as well leave. I went and sat on the floor near the couch. For some reason when I'm low I like sitting on the floor, not too sure why? Anyone else?
I sat with my head into my knees trying to keep my composure because I was getting mad at myself for going low. Trying to understand why I all of a sudden felt my low. I tested again and I was at 3.7, why isn't it rising? Am I crashing fast and just don't know it?
My friend finished the workout and came around to make sure I was alright and keep me company, It was maybe 15mins later and my blood sugar was still at 3.7, but for some reason, I felt like I was 1.3.
I felt light-headed, very low in energy, I was sweaty but also shivering. I could barely form words to say and when I did I had very little energy to say it. I was getting drowsy and wanting to fall asleep but I knew I shouldn't so I kept my mind focused on the rhythm of the sound of a basketball bouncing in the court below me, eventually, that sound was too loud for me. In fact, the sound of a normal voice felt like yelling! Tested again and I was STILL 3.7! No freaking way, blood test and I was 3.8. My libre died out, perfect timings, right?
My friend grabbed another juice box from the first aid kit in hopes it will help! I was so mad at myself, I was furious, I wanted to help myself, I was feeling crap, my body felt so weak but I kept telling myself just hold yourself till you get home, just get to the car, just get to the car. But I had no energy to get up...and when I did I felt dizzy and sat back down. I broke into tears (and trust me I'll only cry in front of people if I trust them or I'm at a breaking point). Just imagine a 19-year-old crying in public? That never looks good. So for me to break down into tears just said how bad I felt...maybe its because it was my first time in a long time to feel low so I've forgotten how bad it felt? But I felt so weak and vulnerable. I just wanted diabetes to be gone and for me to feel better quickly. Maybe a hug too? Hugs are MAGICAL!
They eventually called my mum and she came by to pick me up. And while my bg finally came up an hour later, my body took half of the remaining of the day to recover and feel better. But through my awful feeling of me being low, despite not a very low blood sugar ... I saw the love of a community and the love of people. From my friend to those working at the gym, to my mum. Each are special to me. While I hated feeling weak and not being able to brush it off and keep going like I often try to do, I did appreciate every part of their help offered.
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